CInderella COmic

Well, I wrote today

I guess that says it all right there. A part of me just got sick of sitting on my ass, and I actually went to Borders to start working on the "Outlook Grim" stuff. I worked for about an hour and a half, which is the logest duration I've worked on anything in a while. I'm laying out the foundation, and even though it's not perfect, it's a step closer to an actual product, and that's good. Perhaps I'll do the same thing tomorrow. I sure hope so.

It's been a while...plus Elite Beat Agents

Well, it has been a while since I've written anything here. I guess everyone has decided that this page doesn't exist anymore. Oh well. I guess now I can put up shitty "Ten things I hate about Waiting" articles all over this place and no one would be giving me shit about it for months on end. That would be nice.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening lately, as usual. I really should get started on that writing career, but I just find that I'd rather be surfing the internet or playing video games. At times I ask myself if I even really want to be a writer in the television industry. Do I want to do that? Would I rather make web cartoons? Is my drawing even halfway decent for that? Perhaps maybe web comics? But that doesn't really pay the rent does it? Shit, I don't know. Every time I try to work on that Outlook Grim script I keep roadblocking myself because I am trying to make it the best possible thing ever...like it's supposed to be some 10-year running cult classic. Why the fuck do I keep creating this pressure for myself? I seriously need to just buckle down and write the damn thing. Fuck what anybody says or what anybody thinks is funny; as long as I can honestly look at it and say it's funny, then that's that.

That seems to be enough verbal purging. Speaking of playing video games, though, I have been extremely addicted to a Nintendo DS game called Elite Beat Agents. I think I've wasted a good twenty hours of my life on it. What is it, you ask? Well, it's a rhythm game that involves tapping the DS screen to the beat of a song; it was originally for Japan, but Nintendo made an American version of the game for...well...America. Would I consider myself a pro at it? I don't know. Let's just look at my replay for the last stage of the hardest setting of the game for some answers:



Pure awesomeness. There were a couple 100s in there (when I started zoning out and going into auto-pilot), but c'mon...4,894,960 points!?! S-Rank?!? Man, I fuckin' rule! Forget patting myself on the back; I would suck my own cock if I could! Mmmm...that's good cock.

LOST ARTICLE: I am NOT a film student...

Hey, everyone. As most of you know, I have been in the process of cleaning my room for the past three weeks. However, this also means that I have been organizing computer files and pictures as well as sorting out various loose ends. It's all part of a project I call "Operation: Get Your Shit Together." Anyway, part of said Operation is finishing a post on this blog that I started two weeks before I graduated from Chapman. So, here is the lost article known as "I am NOT a film student...." Enjoy...

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Hey, everyone.

Thought I'd do a little writing here on the blog since ACTUAL writing hasn't been done in over two months. I wish I could say that it was all due to a busy schedule, but it was probably due more to my extreme laziness and my obsession with watching stupid internet videos. (Hey, I can't write my entry and watch some woman get punched in the face at the same time...and on the same computer no less.)

Anyway, graduation is less than two weeks away, and that means I'll have to start looking for a job soon...or does it? I mean, I have been studying to be a screenwriter for the past four years. Maybe I should just do what they taught me and write write write. Yeah. I was a film school student, and now I'm gonna work at home and be a writer!

Then again, in my four years at Chapman, I never really felt like a film school student...well, not a good one anyway. It seems that around these parts you aren't really considered a film student unless you have seen a pretty good amount of films. For example, here is a conversation of what usually happens:

FILM STUDENT:
It's a lot like that scene from The Godfather. You know what I mean?

ME:
I've never seen The Godfather.

FILM STUDENT:
You've never seen The Godfather? And you call yourself a film student?

This is pretty much how it usually goes. And it doesn't have to be The Godfather. Really, just take it out and replace it with Metropolis, Chinatown, Rocky, 2001: A Space Oddysey, Dr. Strangelove, Die Hard, Boogie Nights, The Great Dictator, Robocop, Tootsie, The Wall, Ran, Transformers: The Movie, etc., and you can watch my film student credentials hit rock bottom.

For the longest time, I felt that not seeing so many movies that others deemed as classics was what made me feel like an inadequate film student. However, the true answer came to me as I was walking to class inside the film building. Based on the following pictures, can you identify what separates me from the true film elitists?


Outside The Cafeteria


Outside Oliphant Music Hall


Outside Hashinger Science Center


Outside Leatherby Libraries


Outside DeMille Hall Film/TV Building

And bingo! Smoking! Smoking is what separates me from the cream of the crop! So, with my newfound knowledge, I went down to the corner gas station and bought myself a pack of Marlboro's (the brand my father so lovingly smokes) and went back to the film building to test out my new persona. Check out what happened:



















Holy shit, did you like that? Come to think of it, i don't remember even hearing of M or Fritz Lang before I started smoking. Man, this shit is great! It's like it gives me brain powers or something. I mean, it has to. How else do you explain this:



I mean, shit! My brain is the size of a fuckin' Ford Excursion AND I'm selling my script to Kevin Smith! If these are the side effects of smoking, then fuck cigaretts; I'm moving on to some goddamn Redwoods. See you all on fame's backside.

-Ray

10 Reasons Why I Hated Waiting...

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My Cell Phone and The Return of OsteoFerocious

Hey, everyone.

I have a question to ask of you guys. Does your cell phone cause electrical appliances to make a slight buzzing noise? The reason I ask is because mine does. For instance, if I lay my cell phone down next to my CD player, I pick up a choppy buzzing noise on the head phones. Also, if my cell phone gets too close to my DVD player, the buzzing noise is heard on the TV. Now, I can kind of understand that this may be the case if I'm using this magical metal object that beams signals into space and back, but it also causes appliances to buzz even when they are off. Now, I have to say, this really fuckin' terrifies me. I mean, what is the brain but matter shooting off electrons all the time. If my brain could make a buzzing sound, would it? Is that ringing in my ear the buzzing noise? Why does my head hurt? Is it a tumor growing deep within the recesses of my brain? These are just some of the questions keeping me awake at night.

Anyway, new topic. I was on my way to my internship the other day when I came upon the gayest album cover I have ever seen. Now, I'm not talking "gay" as in "lame" but "gay" as in "two firefighters extinguishing each other with their hoses" gay...mixed in with "lame". Here it is:



Seriously, just look at it. There are gay people currently looking at it going, "Man, that's faggot shit right there." Still the picture wouldn't be so gay to me if it weren't for that title..."Underage Thinking". Emo Douchebag has decided to be clever and replace the word "drinking" with "thinking" to make a not-so-subtle jab at today's youth by implying that they don't think. Hell, I know kids and teens today are stupid shithead fucks, but you don't have to be all cutesy about it, lameass. It's that kind of gay wordplay that makes your album sound phony. And speaking of phony albums, I just happened to find one for a band that I made up a year ago. Here is their debut-album:





Yup, there it is: the debut-album from Los Angeles County's very own punk-rock bastards! It was an album loved by angst-ridden teens but hated by critics. Here is what some of them had to say when this album was first released in 1992:

"Absolutely appauling." -Keith Doubleman, Los Angeles Times

"Punk rock hits a new low." -Catherine Ferncase, Spin Magazine

"A dreadful mixture of poor instrumentals, forgettable lyrics, and a voice that would make you want to start the next genocide...If there is one band that seems Hell-bent on hammering in the last nail in Punk Rock's coffin, then burying the coffin only to return three years later and dig Punk Rock's body up and skull-fuck it until their penis bleeds, it would be Osteo-ferocious. They suck." -Tom Foster, Rolling Stone Magazine.

Wow, not a very favored opinion of this band in their beginning. Toon in next time when we look at their second album, the one after record sales got this band signed under a major label.

See ya.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines...

Hey, everyone.

Long time no write. I know...worst...blogger...ever.

As I was telling Mike a couple of days ago, I just felt like I haven't done anything particularly interesting enough worth writing about. Hell, there hasn't even been trivial shit worth talking about like DVDs. Although, I did get my copy of Airplane! signed by Jerry Zucker earlier this week. (For those of you who don't know who he is, he's the guy that co-wrote Airplane!, Top Secret!, and all of the Naked Gun movies, which didn't have an exclamation point in their title. These days he doesn't do much writing, just producing and directing.) That's my copy below:

If you can't read the writing, here is what it says: "To Raymond, You have to start working on a screenplay for me to direct. Good meeting you. Jerry Zucker." Now that I think of if, I should have given him a thinner marker with which to write. I mean, just look at how much space he took. I guess David Zucker and Jim Abrahms will have to sign something else if I ever meet them. (If you don't know who Jim Abrahms and David Zucker are, then just look them up on IMDB because I'm too lazy right now to write it down here. Nevermind the fact that I just wrote a ton of shit about not being able to list things in the time that it could have taken me to list them either...smartass.)

Anyway, how did I get to meet Jerry Zucker? Well, I'm in this class called Industry Insiders, and its main goal is to invite people in the film and televion industry for Q and A sessions with the students. Before the questions are asked, though, one of the filmmaker's films is screened. The week before Jerry Zucker came we got to meet Alf Clausen, the guy who has been composing music for The Simpsons since season 2. I was actually fortunate enough to get a picture with him.

Yeah, sorry his face is blocked out, but he made some joke about posting pictures on the internet, and I didn't know if he was serious or not. So, I'd rather respect the man's wishes. If any of you see me in person with my digital camera, just ask to see the picture, and I'll show you.

Anyway, way off topic. Back to Jerry Zucker. Well, you see, the filmmaker doesn't just sit in the classroom and watch the film with the students. While the class is watching the film, other students are given the opportunity to have dinner with the filmmaker as well as some film school board members who like to wave the film school's cock around in front of potential donors who are also there at the dinner. I forgot to mention though that this oppotunity really isn't that exclusive; all I had to do was go into the film school's main office and put my name on a list.

It was cool actually meeting Jerry Zucker, but I didn't really ask him any questions because I was afraid of looking like an idiot and/or accidentally pissing him off. Here were two scenarios going on in my mind:

Scenario 1:

RAY:
So, what was it like working with Leslie Nielsen?

JERRY ZUCKER:
Good. Next question...something thought out this time.

Scenario 2:

RAY:
So, why don't you write anymore?

JERRY ZUCKER:
What are you saying? You don't like my directing? Fuck you and fuck this school. I'm leaving.

(Jerry Zucker leaves. Everybody gives Ray angry looks.)

In retrospect, my worries were pretty stupid. Mr. Zucker was actually a very jovial and nice guy, and it was great listening to his stories of how he broke out into the business and what he is doing now. (He told us he's currently getting ready to produce a film called Friends with Benefits. He didn't really give many details on it, only that it was a romantic comedy where all of the Hollywoodized ideas of romance are taken out; it's a movie that says the perfect marriage is to a friend that you just happen to have sex with.)

After the dinner, though, he left to do the Q and A in the classroom, and I went to watch. As soon as all the students were gone, and it was just Mr. Zucker and some film school board members, I finally went up to him and asked him two questions:

1. Could I have your autograph? (So touristy, I know.) The results of that are above of course.
2. How the hell did you get Robert Stack to walk out of the mirror in Airplane!? (Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch the film. It's good.)

Believe it or not, the second question actually got him really excited. "Hey, that's actually one of my favorite gags in the movie," he said. "No one ever notices it, though. Good for you." He then proceeded to demonstrate how the set was built and where the camera was set up. I have to say, it was a much more logical explanation than what I thought.

And so, that was the end of the night. I then went home to Pico so I could sleep in a little bit longer before work the next day ay H2F Entertainment, the place where I intern for free doing tasks like dropping off scripts to other studios and fetching the occasional coffee or Subway sandwich. Ah, good times.