My Cell Phone and The Return of OsteoFerocious

Hey, everyone.

I have a question to ask of you guys. Does your cell phone cause electrical appliances to make a slight buzzing noise? The reason I ask is because mine does. For instance, if I lay my cell phone down next to my CD player, I pick up a choppy buzzing noise on the head phones. Also, if my cell phone gets too close to my DVD player, the buzzing noise is heard on the TV. Now, I can kind of understand that this may be the case if I'm using this magical metal object that beams signals into space and back, but it also causes appliances to buzz even when they are off. Now, I have to say, this really fuckin' terrifies me. I mean, what is the brain but matter shooting off electrons all the time. If my brain could make a buzzing sound, would it? Is that ringing in my ear the buzzing noise? Why does my head hurt? Is it a tumor growing deep within the recesses of my brain? These are just some of the questions keeping me awake at night.

Anyway, new topic. I was on my way to my internship the other day when I came upon the gayest album cover I have ever seen. Now, I'm not talking "gay" as in "lame" but "gay" as in "two firefighters extinguishing each other with their hoses" gay...mixed in with "lame". Here it is:



Seriously, just look at it. There are gay people currently looking at it going, "Man, that's faggot shit right there." Still the picture wouldn't be so gay to me if it weren't for that title..."Underage Thinking". Emo Douchebag has decided to be clever and replace the word "drinking" with "thinking" to make a not-so-subtle jab at today's youth by implying that they don't think. Hell, I know kids and teens today are stupid shithead fucks, but you don't have to be all cutesy about it, lameass. It's that kind of gay wordplay that makes your album sound phony. And speaking of phony albums, I just happened to find one for a band that I made up a year ago. Here is their debut-album:





Yup, there it is: the debut-album from Los Angeles County's very own punk-rock bastards! It was an album loved by angst-ridden teens but hated by critics. Here is what some of them had to say when this album was first released in 1992:

"Absolutely appauling." -Keith Doubleman, Los Angeles Times

"Punk rock hits a new low." -Catherine Ferncase, Spin Magazine

"A dreadful mixture of poor instrumentals, forgettable lyrics, and a voice that would make you want to start the next genocide...If there is one band that seems Hell-bent on hammering in the last nail in Punk Rock's coffin, then burying the coffin only to return three years later and dig Punk Rock's body up and skull-fuck it until their penis bleeds, it would be Osteo-ferocious. They suck." -Tom Foster, Rolling Stone Magazine.

Wow, not a very favored opinion of this band in their beginning. Toon in next time when we look at their second album, the one after record sales got this band signed under a major label.

See ya.