DVD spending spree!

Hey, everyone.

Well, I have to say, it feels good to not have to work the late nights at Halloween Haunt anymore. I am finally getting rested, getting work done, and (most importantly) binging on DVDs. In the past week alone I purchased Office Space: Special Edition, Blink 182: Greatest Hits, The Adventures of Pete and Pete: Season 2, and Bill & Ted's Most Excellent Collection. This spending spree doesn't appear to be losing momentum either as the next two weeks will provide me with Beavis and Butt-Head: Volume 1, Scrubs: Season 2, and Home Movies: Season 3. However, amidst all of these releases that I am looking forward to, I have overlooked something marvelous, something destined to become a classic, something that will truly go down as one of the most triumphant masterpieces of all time. With that said, behold:



That's right! Fuck The Who's Tommy! Fuck Pink Floyd's The Wall! It's R. Kelly's complete epic R&B opera: Trapped In The Closet, an epic tale of sex, violence, betrayal, and...a closet.

As most of you already know, R. Kelly came out with chapters 1-5 last summer, and (because it seems to take itself so seriously) it is one of the friggin' funniest pieces in music video history. If most of you don't know the story already, here it goes: Basically, R. Kelly wakes up to find that he is in bed with a woman that isn't his wife. Her husband then comes home, and R. Kelly is shoved into a closet to hide. The story then goes into obscure plot details that include homosexual affairs, homewrecking cops, and a sex-destroying leg cramp. The kicker is, though, that the entire plot is sung by R. Kelly while the viewer is witnessing it unfold. Stupid, stupid, stupid shit.

Well, the rest of the chapters (the thrilling conclusion) are now available on DVD with the previous five chapters to complete the entire story. I have to give a big thanks, though, to my brother (and fellow blog-reader) Bobby for telling me that this was out. He said that he saw the new chapters on BET, and said they were hilarious. Well, I taped this event last night and watched it this morning, and I'd have to agree with Bobby. It's still the same crapfest as before, only this time the conclusion brought us the following things:

1. A Spatula-weilding old lady.
2. A brother who basically walks off a gunshot wound to the shoulder.
3. Driving green-screen effects only fit for a Zucker Bros. movie.

Throughout this program, though, the viewer gets the opportunity to hear R. Kelly speak about the video, and we even get to hear about how he has ideas for 12, 18, 30 more chapters for this "soap opera" and how it gets difficult for him to keep track of all these characters and all of their character arcs. ARCS?!? Well, I guess if an adulterous character laughing at "all the crazy shit I been through" is an arc, then please stand by for your Writers' Guild Award, Mr. Kelly.

Sadly, the program only showed chapters 6-8 and not the other four chapters that conclude the DVD. So, I wasn't able to endure the complete tranwreck that is "The Closet." If any of you wish to test your endurance, then you can watch the program on BET (This Saturday at 10:30pm), or you can try VH1 (This Sunday at 12:00am: I'm guessing that means to stay up late on Saturday).

Anyway, that's all for today. Keep on the lookout for R. Kelly's new video "Trapped in this 12-Year-Old Girl". See ya.