Knott's...The Adventure Begins

Hey, everyone. Sorry that I haven't posted anything in a while, but I've been busier than all Hell. The reason is, of course, because I started working at Knott's Berry Farm.

Last Tuesday, I had to attend an orientation with about 100 other people. A lot of people, like yours truly, showed up a little too early and started getting bored. So, the guy speaker for the orientation thought he'd treat us to many of his jokes.

SPEAKER:
Alright...why are giraffes necks so long?

(Silence)

SPEAKER:
So they can reach their heads!

(Scattered pity chuckles.)

(Silence)

SOME DUDE IN THE BACK ROW:
Boo!

After this, we all head to sit through his lecture of the four cornerstones of Knott's: service, courtesy, safety and...hmm...I seem to have forgotten the last one. Anyway, they are all held together by Integrity. CLEANLINESS! That's the fourth one. I knew I'd remember.

At one point during this orientation, a 50-year-old employee came out with a very tattered uniform, and she was "looming for her seat." What followed was a staged performance by the Speaker and his assistant.

SPEAKER:
So, can anyone tell me what is wrong with her uniform?

(Silence)

SOME DUDE IN THE BACK ROW:
She's on crack!

I kind of felt sorry for the speaker and his assistant since they were getting bullshit like that from people in the crowd. However, Knott's did give the okay for these guys to get hired, so...eh.

The next day, I had to go to P.E.A.N.U.T.S. guest service orientation. This was a very long and over-enthusiastic lecture about how to give great guest service, a lecture that I have heard at least five times before from previous jobs. Well, during this lecture, the speaker really hyped up how fun Knott's is and how fun it will be to work there. This contrasted very greatly with the message that I got from the Security Division Orientation afterwards:

You will be the most hated people in this park. People will look at you in disgust. You will be called everything from a liar to a racist, and you just have to grin and bare it.

Hmm...being hated doesn't fall anywhere in my definition of having a fun time. It wasn't until later when I truly realized how we are viewed in the eyes of the guests. You see, at one point, we left the training room to see a rehearsal performance for a Halloween Haunt show, and we had to part through a group of monsters backstage. As we were passing, all of the mosters started doing the Imperial March Theme from Star Wars...you know, that music you hear at the beginning of A New Hope when Vader appears.

At first, I felt a bit unnerved and a little annoyed by all this. However, I realized that these people were associating us with Vader, a guy who could choke a bitch from 10 feet away. Okay, this is cool!

Let's see if it stays cool...

The Drug Clinic

Alright, I promised a story about the drug clinic, so I better write about it.

If you all read yesterday's post, then you know I am now working for Knott's Berry Farm's security division and that I had to pass a drug test to get the job. Well, here is what happened.

I left the Knott's Employment Office around 12:00pm with the instructions to go to St. Jude hospital in La Mirada and take a drug test within 24 hours.

I was supposed to hang out with Robert later that day, so I figured "I'll just take Robert with me so I don't get bored going there and so he's not kept waiting for me to show up at his house."

Now, one thing that always bothers me about a drug test is that I have make sure I will be able to pee by the time I arrive at the clinic. So, from 12:00pm to 4:30pm, I was constantly drinking water and soda to make sure I had to go. Anyway, I left for Robert's house at around 4:30pm, but I didn't bother to download directions to the hospital because Knott's Berry Farm provided me with a location map, which said that the hospital was on Firstone off of the 5 freeway. "Shit, I know where that is," I thought, and I was off. Well, it turns out that I didn't know exactly where it was, and Robert and I ended up driving around for about two hours trying to find the place.

What made the long drive seem even longer, though, was the fact that I had to pee badly because of all the water I was drinking. During this whole venture, I had to stop the car twice to take a piss, and at each stop I would drink a ton of water just to make sure I had to go when I got to the clinic.

Now, here's my problem. The map that I was given for the clinic didn't bother to mention that the 5-Freeway doesn't exit onto Firestone in La Mirada. The freeway simply goes over that street. It turns out that if you exit on Firestone on the 5-Freeway, you get dumped off in Pico Rivera, about two cities away from La Mirada...stupid map. And just forget about using Beach Blvd. to find the clinic because Beach Blvd. disappears and reappears about two or three times between Pico Rivera and La Mirada. What the hell kind of way is that to construct streets?

Anyway, I gave the clinic my sample at around 7:30pm, and thus was the end of the ordeal with the clinic...or so I thought.

You see, the following Tuesday, I received a voice message from some woman at the clinic. The message said that there was a problem with my urine sample, and she wanted me to call in the morning. "What the hell is the problem," I thought. "I don't do drugs, I can't get pregnant...why are they calling me?" Soon, my mind started going crazy. "What if I have bladder cancer? Oh, God! They're calling to tell me I have bladder cancer! I'm going to die!"

Needless to say, it was a very long night. The next morning, I called the clinic and spoke with the woman who left the message. Do you know what the problem was? My sample was too diluted. In other words, they couldn't test my sample because there was TOO MUCH liquid in it.

In a way, this was a relief, but I still had to go back and give another sample. So, I went the next day as instructed. Did I download directions? Hell no! I knew where I was going this time.

Well, turns out I still didn't know and got lost again trying to find the place, driving around aimlessly for about an hour.

I finally found the place, and I sat inside awaiting yet another chance to piss in a cup. If I had my way, I would get to piss on this hospital's walls for having a shitty map of their location and not warning me of the dangers of excess water.

Anyway, the doctor (or quite possibly some intern) finally called me in, and, before I could give a sample, we had a short chat:

DOCTOR:
So, this is your second time, huh?

RAY:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
What was wrong with the last sample?

RAY:
The woman on the phone said it was too diluted.

DOCTOR:
Did she also tell you that this time you'll be monitored?

RAY:
I'm sorry, monitored?

DOCTOR:
Yeah. I have to go in there with you when you give your sample this time.

That's right, everyone. Apparently, they thought I tampered with my sample, and I now had to piss with a 6'3" dude standing behind me and watching. I don't know if any of you have had such an experience, but I found it a bit difficult to pee with somebody watching me. In fact, when I finally did piss, it lasted somewhere between 1.5 to 2 minutes, slowly trickling out with as little pressure as possible.

So, that was it. Naturally, it wasn't as uncomfortable as the time a doctor shoved a camera in my dong to see if I had bladder cancer, but at least I felt the procedure was needed. Damn, I really want to just go back to St. Jude's Hospital to throw some flaming dog shit at their walls, but I know I'd just get lost again. Oh well, that just means I better be prepared the next time I happen to find myself in La Mirada.

My 2nd Job

Hey, everyone.

I'm sorry if the posts have been very sparse lately, but there really hasn't been a whole lot going on here in Orange. I just really don't want to write a post every single day for them to end up like this:

Today was okay...went to class...ate...watched TV...did homework at work...I hate my teachers...yada yada yada...

So, anyway, back to today's post. As all of you know by now, I am a DVD-whore. I pretty much buy whatever the hell I like, and I try to justify my spending sprees by saying things like "it's research" or "I want something to show my children". Really, though, I'm a whore.

Unfortunately, I have been buying too much, and I can't keep up the pace of paying my credit card back as fast as I am spending. On top of that, I need to start paying for car insurance, car maintenance, gas, food, and the ever-impending holiday season. So, with all of that, I have decided to take on a second job.

Now, I know what most of you are saying: "But, Ray, you've hated every job you've ever had! Why don't you just stop buying so many DVDs you fat bastard!" To this I respond with a loving "Shut your ass." Look, my current job is a cake walk; all I do is give out pool table equipment and do my homework. I get PAID to sit and do my homework. It's not even like a real job. Also, I only have four classes, so most days I just sit around doing nothing because of the loads of free time. So, a 2nd job won't be so bad. Sure, I'll probably hate it, but at least it's not retail this time.

"WHAT? NOT RETAIL?!?" That's right. I finally got an off-campus, shitty job that doesn't involve peddling wares to customers. Ready to hear what it is? Here it comes:

Yup, I'm going to be working for Knott's Berry Farm's Security Division. This should be extremely fun seeing as how I try to avoid people and, to a greater extent, confrontation.

To be honest, I didn't apply for this job. I initially went to try-out for a Halloween Haunt monster. However, they already had plenty of monsters. So, I said I could do crowd control. That's when their head of security walked in and told me that he'd pay me $7.03/hour if I worked for security instead of the minimum-wage-giving crowd control. I was very reluctant, but I guess they were desperate becaused Mr. Head-Of-Security stole me from the crowd control people and told me to follow him to his office. What followed was a horrible trip to La Mirada to find the drug screening clinic, but I'll save that story for tomorrow (or later today if I get bored at work).

So, that's it. I haven't worked a day yet, but my orientation is this Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'll probably have my on-the-job training on the first night of Halloween Haunt. I'll tell you all how that goes. In the mean time, if any of you want Halloween Haunt tickets, tell me because I'm pretty sure I get a discount. Anyway, I'm out of here. I'll see you all later.

Awkward...

Friends! Family! Welcome!

As most of you know, I am currently enrolled in an Advanced Screenwriting class, and, as some of you know, I can't stand my professor. The reason is she just seems to skim over my work and not go into deep enough detail. Also, if there is something wrong with my script, she merely points it out and doesn't really discuss how it could be fixed; she just goes on and on saying that it doesn't work. So, to sum it all up, I don't really care for my professor, and this may be why I had a very awkward conversation with her.

Let me paint the scene for you. It's about 6:45pm. Everyone has been in this classroom since 4:00pm, and it is time to go. However, my professor is taking her time giving all of us individual assignments for the next week. I am the second person in 8 that she talks to, and the last thing I want to do is drag on a conversation with her when my classmates have somewhere else to be. Well, here is the conversation as best as I could remember it:

Professor:
Okay, Raymond. Are you comfortable with starting your second act?

Raymond:
Actually, I'd rather just revise my entire first act for next week.

Professor:
Do you feel that that is enough work?

Raymond:
Well, yeah.

Professor:
Did you change a lot?

Raymond:
Well, I made Lana into a character that is already present from the start rather than a new character in the protagonist's world.

Professor:
But we get the point, right? I mean, the dynamics don't change. Ozzie's always liked Lana.

Raymond:
Right.

Professor:
So is that really a whole lot for you to do?

Raymond:
The thing is...

Professor:
Because, let's say you revise your full first act...there's only ten weeks of school left. You have to crank out a second and third act in ten weeks. Isn't that a little too much?

Raymond:
The thing is that, because I made a slight change with Lana, a lot of scenes have to be omitted, and new ones have to be added in. So, I'd feel more comfortable just revising the first act for next week.

Professor:
So when will you start the second act?

Raymond:
I can start it by next week.

(Long pause)

Raymond:
Look, I can give you a revised first act and ten pages of the second if you want it.

Professor:
But what are you comfortable with?

(Long pause)

Raymond:
Look, I just really don't like talking, so if you could just tell me what to do, I'll do it.

Professor:
Excuse me? You don't like talking? This is a workshop. You are required to talk. I really hope you are being fecitious.

Raymond:
A bit tongue-in-cheek, yes.

Professor:
Okay, because look...I'm sorry if I'm bugging you to get pages done. It's just that my job is to show up every week and make sure you're pushing ahead.

(Extremely long pause.)

Raymond:
I'm sorry, was that a question?

Professor:
Yes.

Raymond:
Um...well, what was the question?

Professor:
Raymond, we are having a conversation here. That means two people talking back and forth.

Raymond:
I know, but I really, really didn't hear the question. I just want to know what it was.

Professor:
What do you feel comfortable with turning in next week?

Raymond:
My first act revised!

Professor:
Is that enough work.

Raymond:
Yes. To me, that's a lot of work.

Professor:
Okay. (starts writing down my assignment) So Raymond will turn in a revised first act. Just make sure you mark the revised parts.

This is as best as I can remember it, so there was probably a lot more to this conversation, believe it or not. As for that part where she said she asked me a question, I asked another student if she did, and she confirmed that the professor asked me nothing.

When class was finally declared over, I stayed after to hand in my revised treatment of the film. I then had another conversation with her that basically started off with her asking, "So, are we on good terms, you and I?" Ughh...I gotta keep remembering...12 more weeks...just 12 more weeks...

The Revolution is Coming, and I am Scared...

Hey, everyone.

As most of you know, Nintendo is coming out with the Revolution in 2006. Now, first off, with a name like "Revolution", the company is starting to sound a bit pretentious. Add to that the fact that they've said the Revolution will "change the way we interpret gaming," and now they're building quite an expectation to meet. Now, with all that said, here is one way in which Nintendo will "revolutionize" gaming.

Behold! This is the new controller for the Nintendo Revolution...well, for now; this is a work in progress. Get this, though: the joystick on the left side is just an attachment for older Nintendo games or special games. Really, the remote control-looking thing on the right is the whole controller. According to Nintendo, they wanted to make a one-handed controller in order to attract consumers that may be put off by video game controllers in general. (The whole two-handed thing is overly complicated, I guess.) In other words, they wanted to make the controls feel more intuitive so the whole family can play.

Now, I have to say, I was really put-off by the new design. However, I saw a presentation video on Game Spot that talked about the controller more in-depth and even had a teaser trailer to give an idea of the way the games are played. Such ways include aiming it like a gun or swinging it around like a sword (or lightsaber, Mike). You can see the video by going here:

http://www.gamespot.com/news/2005/09/15/news_6133335.html?gcst=169_iwata_tgs05_keynote_revcontroller_1_4.asx&tag=gs_hp_flashtop_bg

While the video gave rest to some of my fears, I am still a bit hesitant at accepting this new design. I mean, how will Smash Bros. Revolution be? Will I still be able to kick all of your sorry asses with the Puff? I guess I'll just have to wait to find out. Still, I think this will be the first Nintendo console that I won't buy right away...partly because of the controllers, partly because I'm a poor piece of shit.

Bored at work #2/My sense of humor...

Hey, everyone.

As you all know, my job consists mostly of me sitting on my ass and surfing the internet. Well, through somebody's live journal entry, I found a test that would tell me what type of sense of humor I have. Here are the results of said test (click for enlargement):

As you can see, the test said that I am "The Shock Jock", which means my sense of humor is more dark than light, more spontaneous than complex, and more vulgar than clean. It then left this description of The Shock Jock:

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead. Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.

Now, you guys know me. Do you feel this is accurate? You tell me. In fact, why don't you guys take the test. Let's see if we all share the same humor or just compliment each other. The link is below:

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17565214125862764376

I'll talk to you guys later.

More fun from English 300

Alright, here is the setup:

Everyone in the classroom has failed the Junior Writing Proficiency Exam. However, one student, me, didn't fail due to poor grammar but rather because he chose to be an asshole on the exam instead of choosing to take it seriously.

Okay, so all of us were assigned to write an essay over the weekend. It could be one of four topics. I picked the topic that dealt with a terrible job and wrote about how much I hated working at Wal-Mart because of the stupid customers.

Anyway, here is the kicker. Today, when we showed up for class, we had to partner up with another student in the class, and we had to correct each other's grammatical errors. What the fuck! It's the start of the semester! Nobody in the class knows how to write for shit! When did this sound like a good idea?

So, I get paired up with this one dude who claims to have writen his essay in the half-hour before class. No shit? I couldn't tell if you were trying to write or just shat on the keyboard and hoped some words popped up. Needless to say, his essay was pure shit. As for my essay, I worked on it for an entire day and made sure that it was coherent and typo-free. Well, this guy couldn't find anything wrong with my essay, but he did write something. Here is a piece from my paper with the note that he wrote (I had to highlite it in order to make it visible):



Apparently, this guy has never heard of the concept of insulting someone. It was either that or he wanted me to admit to having psychic abilities. I mean, maybe he was asking "how do you know that the printer wasn't $10?", but he's got "abortion-survivor" underlined, and I doubt that he thinks most printers fall around the $10 range. Hell, even my piece of shit printer was at least $30.

Well, I've said it over a hundred times, and I'll say it again: Fuck ENG 300, and fuck the JWP.

Beowulf production log #1

Hey, guys.

Well, it's been just about two days since I announced that I would try and start working on Beowulf: Keep On Truckin', and this is what I have been reduced to:

I'm so tired. I just can't stop thinking about the production. What are the scenes going to look like? What jokes need tweaking? What needs to be cut? What needs to be added? And the sad thing is that I can't even concentrate on school work because all I'm doing is wondering how I'm going to execute this project.

I just re-read the script about an hour ago, and this is what I've decided: this thing needs an overhaul, especially if those who haven't read Beowulf are to enjoy this thing. Actually, I think I'm over-exhagerating. All the script needs is some more set-ups so that the story feels whole. So, I guess nothing big. Also, the transitions from scene to scene need to be more fluid. Maybe I can keep the guy introducing each scene, but then the story would need him to be a narrator in a way.

The biggest thing that has been bothering me, though, is the whole using-copyrighted-music issue, namely the Mortal Kombat theme for the fight scene between Beowulf and Grendal's mother. You see, I really want to submit this thing to festivals, but I just don't know if Johnny Law would come down on my ass for using music illegally. That's when I realized something; I'm probably not going to make a dime off of this thing. So, with that said, I am happy to say that I am keeping the Mortal Kombat theme intact, no midi file either. I'm talking about the real shit! Fuck, I'm so excited!

Anyway, that's all for now. I better get some sleep because I still have so much shit to read for class tomorrow. I'll talk to you guys later.

The Possible Return of Something Gone Wrong

Hey, everyone.

As most of you probably already know, I have been struggling like crazy to think up of a great idea for making a cartoon. This idea has mainly consisted of a very introverted and somewhat neurotic character (hmm, sounds like someone I know) and his exploits at college. However, I have failed to come up with the tone and style of the show that would make it hilarious and poignant at the same time, and I have realized something due to this: I am not that skilled a writer yet. It will take a lot of time, practice, and experimenting before I can fully develop this current idea into the truly awesome thing I want it to be. On top of that, I don't have a huge team of artists and animators helping me to create this, so I better stick with something simple.

With all that said, I have decided on what project I am going to work on for this year at school while I still have the resources. So, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the project that will hopefully get Something Gone Wrong Productions up and running again. Here it is, a teaser picture for all of you to see:

That's right, guys. I am going to turn the radio play I wrote back in high school into an animated short using the same software that is used to make shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Sealab 2021. Why use this old script? Well, it's because it's already written and characters have already been developed. This will cut down on pre-production time tremendously, which will be especially helpful since I'm only giving myself a year to complete this task. However, the script will require a lot of tweaking because it's all written for audio purposes only, and I really want this thing to be VISUALLY funny and interesting.

As you can probably tell, I will not be working with the same audio; all-new dialogue will need to be recorded, and a lot of the parts will need to be recast, including the role of Beowulf. (I just hate the sound of my own voice.)

Now, I can't do everything on this project alone. I will definitely need some help, especially in the line of background drawings. So, if any of you want to help in any way, just let me know.

Anyway, that's all. Hopefully this project will really happen and not be some crazy pipe dream. See ya.

Ikaruga!

Hey, gang. Before I start this post, I want to show you a picture that Ryan sent me. You probably all got it in your e-mail, but here it is again.

It's probably photo-shopped (the name), but it's still funny as hell.

Anyway, I didn't go to that event last night (the one with Opponent X vs. Hogan the Scientology Gorilla). Instead, I ended up playing Ikaruga with Max.

For those of you that don't know, Ikaruga is a shooter in the tradition of Raiden. However, in the game, you can switch between being a white or black plane; there are white and black enemies, and you can actually absorb bullets depending on what color your ship is the moment you get hit. Maddox had a great review for this game on his site, so I won't go into too much detail here. If you want to check out his review, go here:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=ikaruga

Anyway, the game is super bad ass, and I can't wait to show all of you guys this game when I get home. In fact, to show you how bad ass it is, I have included the following picture:

Just look at that face. I'm practically blowing a load over this game! Awesome...just awesome! Seriously, though, here is a screenshot from the game:

My thanks go out to Robert for reminding me about this game (long after I forgot about the original Maddox review) and Bre who gave this to me as a present for our two-year anniversary!

Anyway, I'll see you all later.

Follow the Signs

Tuesday! Woo!

I have to say, I had a great Labor Day weekend. I had to work a lot of hours, but my job just consists of sitting on my lazy ass and giving people pool table equipment. So, all-in-all, a great job. By the way, I was watching some behind-the-scenes features on the Jackie Brown DVD, and I think that we all need to sit down and watch "Scream, Blacula, Scream." Any takers?


Anyway, back to today's post. I was walking around on campus today, and I happened to see two different signs that caught my eye. The first one I saw seemed a bit ironic, especially when you know it's addressed to a bunch of beer- and sex-obsessed college students, particular those from the Orange County (excuse me...O.C.) area:


But just to make sure that this is ironic, when my supervisor tells me to take down old posters around the Morlan building, I know where this is going, and it's definitely NOT gonna be the RECYCLABLE trash bin. HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, Ray, you evil mother-fucker.

As for the second sign I saw, I have to say that it bewilders and intrigues me.

The event is being held by the Student Society of Entertainment Arts, which means that this will probably end up being a sketch, a sketch, or...oh yeah, a sketch. You see, this group's claim to fame every year is their Comedy Show, held once every semester. It's a mix of recorded sketches or staged sketches depending on whether the director was into film or theater. Well, that's my understanding of it anyway. Apparently last year's show was pretty "meh", so I'm glad I didn't spend my two bucks; I need those for the vending machine. Either way, I might show up to this meeting tonight in hopes that this event is not a sketch and the guy in the gorilla suit really does kick the shit out of opponent X or vice versa. If I do go, I'll make sure to bring my camera.

We Hate Me!

Hey, everyone! I know I showed this to most of you back home, but I am re-publishing it here in case you didn't get a look. It's a screenshot from a website called "We Hate You", and it's about a profile of yours truly. Apparently, somebody hated me enough to post this profile of me, and I know who it was. She will remain nameless here so that she doesn't stumble upon this blogsite by looking for her name on Google, which I am apt to do with my own name in my bored hours; coincidentally, that's how I stumbled upon this blog. Anyway, I wasn't the only one of whom she posted profiles; there were three others. What did we all have in common? We all stopped hanging out and playing D & D with her. The reasons being:

1. She is a massive head case who needs counseling, and I hope she gets it.
2. D & D sucks mad amounts of balls.

Well, I'm guessing that reason #1 had to do with us not hanging out with her more than anything. Either way, a parent of one of those profiled on the site threatened legal action, and the profiles were all taken down. You can't look for my profile on the site anymore, though it somehow existed in cyberspace seeing as how I typed my name in Google again and found it. Anyway, here it is. Just click on it for an enlargement.

Bored at work #1

Current mood: On Fire.
Listening to: My own screams.

One week down...15 to go...

Well, it's been one week back, and I have to say that I already HATE one of my classes; it's called "Writing for Essay Proficiency," and the only reason I'm taking it is because I failed the Junior Writing Proficiency Exam twice...TWICE! I'll admit that the second time I took the test I wasn't caring at all. I filled the exam with a lot of profanity, blasphemy, and violent imagery, and I even drew pictures on the last page just for the hell of it.

I don't think that I have a problem with grammar. In fact, I'm one of those anal people that must correct myself if I say that I did something "good". My problem with the exam is that I have trouble formulating ideas in a coherent essay, in under an hour and a half, about topics that I don't really care much about. For instance, one of the questions was "What do you think defines a lady and gentleman of today?" Christ, I don't know. A lady never goes down on the first date, and the guy always carries a rubber? I told a co-worker about this, and he said, "Hmm, that does raise a good question on morales of today and what is expected or considered acceptable in a romantic relationship of the 21st century." What the shit! I should've written about this topic, but I know that I wouldn't have kept the essay clean enough for a middle-aged, conservative, Christian group to pass my exam.

So, now, I am stuck with about twelve foreigners in a class that teaches you how to write an essay. You will not believe the homework that we had last week for this class...combine assigned sentences to make either a compound, complex, or compound-complex essay. Here's an example problem:

Jim played his stereo at full volume one evening.
The mice all left the building.
His downstairs neighbor thought the Russians had attacked.

Here's my answer:

Jim played his stereo at full volume one evening, and this caused the mice to flee the building like a bunch of crazed Russians; coincidentally, his downstairs neighbor thought the Russians had attacked.

Hey, I might as well have a little fun with it. And what the hell is with the "Russians had attacked" sentence? How old IS this paper. At least get some new assignment sheets. $25,000 per student for tuition, and they can't even get papers with topical sentences. I know, I know. What difference does it make if this grammar assignment has topical sentences? There is no difference; I just hate this class so much that even the trivial shit pisses me off...or is it, "pisses off me"? Aw, screw it.